DO NOT SKIP THIS FOREWORD ... or you will be as clueless as everyone else, within these pages, was ... and that just wasn't fair to them, the child, or to any other child born with a non-physical disability. You see, when it comes to non-physical disabilities, what people can't see doesn't exist to them, and they judge the child/person as just being a bad person. Maybe even evil! And that child/person is apt to be called all types of names, by people, or, as in this case, by one's own mother .....
"GET OUT HERE, SATAN ... NOW!"
Such is why so many manics/bi-polars live a rather lonely life, and have few, if any, acquaintances/friends. I fit that profile, as does the child you are about to meet. Unfortunately, this child searched for love, even fought for it, where there was none ... at least not for her.
Wouldn't it be nice if everyone was born with a score card that was deemed public information? I don't mean that it would show personal thoughts, your personal measurement, or anything of that nature ... I'm talking disabilities and attributes. If we all had score cards, people would be able to help each other so much more. Like, say a child, three years of age, has a talent for acting ... that child's parents could look into dramatic schools. Unfortunately, most actors/actresses don't discover such talents until high school, or even years later. Years wasted. You see, a child may not know they are good at something, therefore the parent won't know either, so the child, especially when it comes to performers, will pretty much be lost in the world ... depressed ... because they know they have something important to share with the world, but they don't know what it is! That is all kinds of depressing! This child is a poster child for being wasted ... because she has so many wonderful talents that she could have been anything she wanted to be ... but no one had a clue, including her. She could have been a famous artist, a famous writer, a famous entertainer, a famous chemist, a genius in practically any field, and the list goes on, and on ... but ... who knew? Do you know what that means? It means that there are millions of children out there that are not getting the attention they need to help find them a place in this world. It means that millions of people out there are becoming criminals, because they can't seem to be able to find their rightful place in society. A good example ... a top-notch thief, a pro with an unbelievable lucky streak, should be making a great living showing people/corporations how to best keep their homes/offices safe from burglary! A top-notch shoplifter should have a job in store security! And do you know what these two people have in common with every criminal that ever existed? Easy answer here ... boredom! A wasted mind is a bored mind ... and bored minds tends to get into so much trouble, just to get rid of the boredom. And then there's that lack of self-respect and self-worth that goes hand in hand with their not being beneficial to themselves and/or to society. And whose fault is it that this person has strayed off of, or was never guided to, the right path? Parents ... Teachers --- Society ... and the Government! Why the Government? Because they expect to get taxes while they are doing nothing about making sure people are doing the best of their abilities and, therefore, being excellent tax payers. Score Cards! If everyone had a score card, we would all know whom had disabilities, and whom does not. Whom could be a renowned scientist, or even an astronaut! Knowing is the key to success in anything a person does ... because knowing the facts is the biggest hurdle cleared. If this child's parents and/or teachers knew of her disabilities ... her life could have been saved. They would have come to the conclusion that she was not lazy, or stupid, or worthless ... and they might have discovered that she was a probable genius. Unfortunately, the average person, in America, is a pessimist ... meaning that they jump to the conclusion that the child doesn't want to learn anything, instead of discovering that the child has a learning disability! America is jam packed with people that society, and our systems, failed ... and we have the gall to blame them, instead of ourselves. Score Cards ... get it ... got it ... good!
So, I am using this foreword as the proverbial score card, in hopes that it may help you understand the child better ... as well as understanding her actions and/or reactions. Plus, to show you, as much as possible, what life is like for a child like this child. Why know? Mainly because there are a few million children "out there" that have a lot in common with this child, and they need all the understanding they can get ... because most people, that they know, are absolutely clueless! And that means that those children are going to grow up into dysfunctional children residing within the bodies of a whole bunch of screwed-up adults! Guaranteed!
If this child had a score card of disabilities, as well as abilities ... we would know the disabilities within this child are many, unfortunately, and they include; Manic Depression, Functional Autism/Asperger's, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder and/or Attention Deficit Disorder (its all very confusing to me as well), Paranoia (with very good reasons), Dyslexia, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Claustrophobia, Vertigo, Insomnia, Post Traumatic Stress, Night Terrors, etc.(?) ... and no one had a clue, because the child had no score card ... and ... nobody cared anyway! The worse of it, by far, is that the child hadn't a clue ... so, we have a miserable kid with thoughts of being that proverbial monster in the closet ... and no child deserves to think they are so devilishly evil ... an abomination! Here's a question for you ... if you walked into your child's bedroom and saw her/his bed blocking the closet door from opening ... what would you think? Wouldn't that set off alarms in your head? It would mine! Unfortunately ... as I've already said ... not a clue! Frankly, if you have a child that is having problems with darkness, or closets, its time for that child to see someone that may be able to help him, or her ... not ignore the problem and/or make the child feel stupid for having such "ridiculous" fears! It is not enough to show the child that the closet is uninhabited ... because grown-ups can't see the boogeyman, only kids can! In this child's case ... her parents either never noticed the bed was blocking the closet door, or they just ignored it. They also never mentioned that the girl would take her baby brother out of his crib to protect him from whatever it was that was in the closet. The baby slept with her ... and, as long as the baby was in bed with her ... she didn't have night terrors. Anyhoots .....
It is said, by the professionals, that being bi-polar, or manic, is one and the same! I see them both as being quite different, mainly due to my being against tossing everyone into one category, and moving on. Categories bug me to no end. Its like calling dark skinned people "blacks" ... please, when is the last time you saw a black person? Granted, I have seen a black person, but the usual dark skinned person is one of many shades of brown ... not black! And why do we need categories anyway ... isn't that profiling? A form of prejudice? Seriously, do we call Irish people "Pinkies?" Or how about people from India ... do we call them "browners", or "darkies"? Absolutely not! So why do we single out people of an African Ancestry, and refer to them by the color of their flesh? Even, as I have already said, when they are not black! Because we're a bunch of prejudice idiots! Hey, not our fault ... its a disease that most people share, and it usually attacks people in their late twenties to early thirties. I actually contracted the disease in my mid-thirties ... in New Orleans, during Mardi Gras. Go figure. If you do not want to catch this disease, stay out of The South! I was at the laundromat one day, and I got talking to this girl from California, and I asked her if she found that the blacks in New Orleans were any different from the blacks in Los Angeles? Yes, she was dark skinned ... so sue me ... I ask questions with no apologies. Anyhoots ... she said "Yes! I can't wait to get back home!" You see, the blacks in The Deep South are a whole lot different than anywhere else ... and I can see why ... because they are treated so much worse there than anywhere else! But, there I go ... referring to them as blacks again. Force Of Habit! Why do we make it necessary to call people anything else but ... People?! And talk about being bi-polar ... I swear, the New Orleans Police Force, back in the 1980's was filled with people that had to be bi-polar ... because they were always beating people up! I even had the (supposedly) Chief Of Police, sitting in a bar, try his damnedest to make me scream in pain ... while he pulled a Joe DiMaggio on me. He purposely broke my thumb ... for no reason at all (Joe broke Marilyn's thumb on their honeymoon, to keep her from acting like herself during an interview). I need to explain this ... I was at a table with a girlfriend, and he called me over to the bar ... I was going to ignore him, but my girlfriend told me he was the Chief Of Police and I did not want to be on his bad side ... so I walked over, and said, very politely, "Yes, Sir?" He immediately accused me of being a snob because I was "so beautiful and so in love with" myself. When I tried to tell him he was wrong, that I was just rather shy ... he grabbed my thumb and began twisting it. An absolutely horrid experience. However, as painful as it was ... I kept my mouth shut, tried my best to show as little facial expression as possible ... and I think the sound of the bone breaking actually surprised him. He let go ... I left ... and never went back! See what I mean ... he had to be bi-polar ... or was he just a piece of ..... ?
To me, being bi-polar means that you are, at times, extremely aggressive (a furious tornado), and being manic means you are seldom ever aggressive (a faint breeze), if ever. As saying that a manic will soar into the clouds, supreme elation, or fall into an abyss! This child is never aggressive ... as a matter of fact, she's probably one of the least aggressive people on earth. Almost monk-ish! She can take whatever you want to throw her way ... and she will remain passive ... albeit, in tears ... but still passive. However, everyone has their breaking point, don't you agree? Thought you would! I'm a pretty tough cookie in those situations ... I listen to all the horrid things a person needs to say to me ... quietly ... and when they are finished, I just smile, and walk away as if they hadn't said a word ... however, for the next 100 years those words with keep strolling through my mind just as though the person was saying them all over again ... and that is the worse of it for me. No tears ... no revenge ... just a silent wish that they have a nice day. I cried out all my tears decades ago.
Yes, looks like we are going to be friends, and its always good to know a little about your friends, don't you think? Anyhoots ... back to the child.
A little family history would be good about now. The child's parents are pretty screwed-up as well. The mother and father are both manic ... however, when the mother is pregnant, she becomes very aggressive to the point of being a huge danger to the child. This would be considered to be bi-polar, as far as I am concerned ... however, the banshee (as the child sees her) only appears to the child ... when no one else is around (usually). You will read a section, in the book, where the banshee manifested itself in front of a neighbor, and scared the holy hell out of the woman. She never went back to the child's home, and she was no longer the mother's friend! Something the child would be blamed for ... naturally. You will get to witness exactly what the old woman witnessed. By the way ... this senior's real name will be used, which will usually not be the case when it comes to most of the other people in the book.
Little is known about the father's side of the family ... other than his father died in a motorcycle accident, and his mother put him, and his brother, into an orphanage, in Moscow, Idaho, but kept her two daughters ... which her sister helped her to raise. You'll read more about that, in the book, as well. However, when it comes to the mother's past, bits and pieces will surface now and again. Apparently, her father was bi-polar, and a member of the mafia (?) ... and her mother was totally manic. Oh, and she was a witch ... which turned out to be something her and her mother had in common. And we're back to the child.
Being manic ... if the child received a light scolding, she might spend the next few hours hiding from the world. She would certainly cry what her mother would call ... crocodile tears. If she was unable to go somewhere to hide ... she would disappear into herself, and you are left with ..... read on.
Functional Autism is a nasty little atom bomb, as you shall witness! Due to autism, whenever the family moved, to another location, it affected the child poorly (to say the least). How? Well, to the point that she would have no memory of the move. Of course, this is somewhat normal, at least a psychologist would say it is ... afteral, we are talking about a child, and children forget such stuff! Wrong! This tells volumes about psychiatrists/psychologists ... many of them say something like that, and move on to something else. Talk about arrogance! A little probing may well bring to light that the child didn't remember a lot of thing after the move, as well. The really interesting thing here is that the child would be lost somewhere in limbo, while her body just became somewhat robot-ish ... the walking dead. You know what I mean ... "lights are on, but nobody's home!" All of us experience this from time to time, but not to the extent of this child. Here's an example of how you and I experience this. Most people have a daily schedule. You wake-up, maybe take a nice good stretch ... get out of bed and head for the bathroom. Then its off to breakfast, which may consist of just a cup of coffee, then off to work. Wait a minute ... did we lock the front door when we came out? Hmmm ... lets see ... nope, not a clue! At which point we have two options ... we can go check, or we can assume we did and wind-up bugged by that question for the rest of the day! Of course we locked the door ... just like we do every morning ... but, because it is part of a daily routine, we don't have to consciously think about doing it ... a certain part of our brain takes care of those things while we are busy thinking of what we have to do today. An even better example, with me, is driving ... something I no longer do, and you can thank me for that! One less nut on the road! Anyhoots ... one day I drove from El Cerrito, California, to San Leandro, with very little memory of the drive at all ... because of my either listening, and singing along with, the radio, or frolicking through a daydream! Or was my mind completely on my task for the day ... to have an acquaintance help me make a royal blue velvet evening gown, for my best friend to wear at a party in Hollywood? She had a producer boyfriend, and took frequent trips down south. Anyhoots ... I stopped driving when I discovered that my mind was not on my driving, and when I had a panic attack while driving through Oakland ... which did cause an accident. Well, not altogether true ... there was also two elderly ladies trying to beat the traffic light ... they didn't, and they wound-up with their car on a sidewalk. A minor cut to a passenger ... but it scared the holy hell out of me! If the guy behind me wasn't tailgating me, trying to get my attention ... I would not have had the panic attack, and the accident might not have happened. Frankly, I'm surprise my wandering mind never caused me any accidents ... but then, that is why GOD gave us a brain that can handle such things when were elsewhere in our thoughts! You see ... while we are thinking of other things, a part of our eyes is still on the road, but we are not aware of it. We're talking freeway driving here, not driving around city streets ... that's a whole different kettle of possum stew! EW! Now, if our eyes are diverted to something inside the vehicle, like a noisy child in the back seat, or some papers on the front seat, that part of the eye that was doing all the driving just went blind when we turned our head ... and anything could happen ... and often does. That is what I mean about the child becoming robot-ish ... a sort of zombie ... because her conscious mind is in limbo, and her subconscious mind is doing all the work ... and, that means, her conscious mind is not aware of what is going on around her. The bottom line is that everything she is taught in school, while her mind is in limbo, is going in one ear and out the other, when it comes to the conscious mind! And that is exactly where that old saying comes from ... from your conscious mind not catching what it needs to catch! So, we have a child, with a (supposed) genius IQ, that has no idea what all the names of the states, in the United States, are, or their capitals ... or ... Adolph who? The bottom line ... this child is not a good candidate for a college education!
Okay, I think you have a pretty good idea of what type of child this book is about, so let's discuss what types of subjects this book contains ... just in case you have any problems with certain subjects, and would prefer not to read about them. However, keep in mind that an uninformed mind is a wasted mind. As for me ... I was created with the need to know, so I stick around if the subject is interesting, or I just don't know much about it. Anyhoots, the subjects are as followed:
A-sexuality, Abusive Teachers, Armageddon, Astrology, Bars and Night Clubs, Bi-Polar Syndrome, Child Abuse, Creating Your Own Paradise, Crimes And Punishments, Death, Down's Syndrome, Drug Abuse, Entertainers And Entertaining, ESP, False Judgements, Hitch-hiking, Homeless People, Homosexuality, Insanity, Juvenile Halls and Jails, Karma, Loneliness, Love and Hate, Manic-Depression, Medical Marijuana, Mental Illness, Miracles and Visions, Molestation, Monsters, Movie Stars, Murder and Attempted Murder, Night Terrors, Orphanages, Paranoia, Pedophiles, Post Traumatic Stress, Predator Priest and Other Pedophiles, Prejudices, Prostitution, Psychopaths, Rape And Gang Rapes, Religious Leaders, Prisons, Reformatories, Reincarnation, Sins and Transgressions, Seances, Thailand's Sexual Escapes For The Rich And Famous, Sex (of course), Suicides And Attempted Suicides, The American Legal System, The Bible, The Dangers Of Physical Education Classes, The Murder Of Marilyn Monroe, The Truth About Angels And Our Souls, The Truth About Lucifer, The Truth About Trans-sexuals, Trans-genders (Fremales) and Transvestites, What Our Government Doesn't Tell Us, Why Our Ozone Is Likened To Swiss Cheese, Wicca/Witchcraft.
OUR WORSE ENEMY IS OFTEN NOTHING MORE THAN OUR OWN IGNORANCE!
Another title came to mind ... in the writing of this book ... "The Survivalist" ... because this is exactly what this child became ... a survivalist. Know this ... a survivalist is a person that will do what ever it takes to survive ... and some of those things will haunt the mind of the survivalist all her/his life. I hope you will remember this experience, and that it will cause a few changes in and around your life / world.
P.S. The Character's words, in this book, are color-coded. And I am experiencing the onslaught of alzheimers.
Oh, my name is Shalene-Billie Holmes ... or LadyShalene, as many people know me to be ...
and I do hope we will be good friends! Always good to meet good friends!